• Damsel In Dating Distress


About 2 years ago, I matched with some guy on Coffee Meets Bagel. He wasn’t bad looking, had great chat, pretty funny, seemed like a nice, genuine guy... or so I thought he was...

About a week into talking, we agreed to meet up after work for a couple of drinks. Kudos to him for picking such a great venue. When I arrived I couldn’t spot him so called to see where he was… only to realise, he was standing a few feet from me.


Turns out he looked… rather different to his photos. I wasn’t "catfished" per se,I think "kittenfished" is the correct millennial term here. He obviously used very old, throwback photos of himself. Disappointed by not supposed, I (unenthusiastically) approached him and said “Hey. Nice to meet you.” Not the best start but I looks aren't everything right? ...Trying to be optimistic here.


I personally think first impressions are important. Plus it’s a date, I expect people to make some kind of effort. Now, I might sound a little mean here but I'd like to know why he decided to show up in wrinkled chinos, a tatty shirt, dusty looking brown shoes and a wrinkled (again) linen blazer. None of the items even remotely complementary with each other... Eeeek!

We went downstairs to the bar and were seated at the table. He seemed a little nervous… in fact he was most definitely nervous because at this point I noticed his hands were shaking, and had knocked over the drinks menu along with his water – with a little spillage into my bag. The poor fella, I felt a little bad for him, so in attempt to put him at ease, I started making conversation and cracked a couple of jokes. I got him laughing at least...


Ahhh it was time to reel in those jokes. I couldn’t help but divert my attention to his teeth! I know people, I know! Now I sound like a bitch. I’m not saying I have the best set of teeth but his chompers... it looked like he had been chewing on rocks. They were sharp, triangular, fang-like and to put it politely, it was dental chaos! I couldn’t believe my actual eyeballs.

With zero attraction to this guy and an unimpressive start to the date, I gave it another 30 minutes... out of politeness. After ordering my whisky on rocks (much needed), I thought I’d make some general chit chat and asked: “So how have you found the dating apps? Any interesting experiences so far?” – I honestly wish I never asked.

His response was: “Well, I always find dating difficult because…” *he starts to whisper* (fucking weird) “I haven’t told you this yet… but I have a 10 year old daughter and people are always put off when I tell them that.”


*sigh* Now I understand some women wouldn’t have an issue with this, but for me, it’s a deal breaker. I feel that these vital pieces of information should be displayed on your profile or mentioned before a first date. Had I known this, I wouldn’t of agreed to meet up with him, let alone match. It’s a waste of my time... and his!

As you can imagine, I couldn’t get out of the bar quick enough. Even my soul was trying to escape at this point. We finally decide to leave, and after he assessed the bill for about 10 minutes (there were only 4 bloody drinks on there) we went dutch in the end (I’m so over it). We walked out of the venue and with relief, I said: “Well my station is this way, nice to meet you.”

No no, it doesn’t end there – we’re only on Strike 4…


Like a 4 word horror story, he says: “Let me walk you.” I told him “No, it’s fine, it’s not far, I’ll be alright.” But he insisted and started walking me to the station. Arghh! I had my arms crossed while walking, keeping a good distance between us. Suddenly out of nowhere, this guy had the audacity to close the gap and attempt to hold my hand! Like actually pull my arm out as it was folded! I was shock and baffled. I pulled my hand away immediately saying “Erm, could you not do that?” – he quickly apologised. Bloody freak.


It was a silent and awkward walk back to the station but finally we made it. That horrendous 7 minute walk felt like 45. As I abruptly said “bye”, he then came towards me for a hug, saying how he had a great time and asked: “When are we doing this again?”

He has remained on my block list since.

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