ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY OR REALLY COMFORTABLE?
Normally when we've been with someone for a while, the relationship "high" wears off and we tend to fall into patterns or routines, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's wonderful to be with someone who makes you feel comfortable and secure without loading up a bunch of bullshit into your life.
As humans, we gravitate towards what we're familiar with, our comfort zones make us feel safe. However, sometimes the fear of being alone or our uncertainties around change is what makes many feel rather uncomfortable, and it's that unsettling feeling that ultimately makes us stay in mediocre/the wrong relationships.
HAPPILY EVER AFTER?
There was a period in my life that lasted a few years where I had jumped from relationship to relationship, let's just say the frequency was comparable to me changing a pair of socks! 🧦 Besides the fact that I was a fairly broken person back then, I just couldn't stand the thought of being by myself! I was so used to having a boyfriend around, and overtime I grew this unhealthy emotional attachment style — to the point where I was living in a fantasyland, always convincing myself that "this new guy is the one for me!"... Jeeez! 🤦🏻♀️ You know how you hear about couples who are miserable as f***, yet still stay together for years, but also not making any moves to change anything either? The kind of relationship where it's full of conflict; partners are seething in silence and growing resentment towards each other by the minute. Well, that was definitely me on a couple of occasions for sure! When you settle and become complacent in a relationship, it's often chance that you'll get derailed from reality; sometimes you end up falling for potential, sometimes you simply like the idea of being with someone... but for whatever reason you're choosing to stay, it'll never be a deeply satisfying relationship! And my dear... you deserve so much more 💕
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN BEING HAPPY AND BEING COMFORTABLE
I'm gonna be real, it's easy to advise a friend that they can do better. But as we all know, taking our own advice and doing these things ourselves is different story, right? We're not the ones emotionally involved, and we don't have to pluck up the courage from deep down to tell our partners we want out. With that said, I thought I'd share a few signs that indicate you're in a "comfort relationship".
SEX? ...LET'S JUST GET IT OVER AND DONE WITH When the sex is dwindling, and the thought of getting physical with your partner makes you cringe. Well... say no more! Sex in a happy relationship is truly incredible, orgasms are more intense and fulfilling, it becomes much more than two people physically bonding. On the other hand, when you're in a loveless relationship, it's more about getting the "task" done, quickly and efficiently! NO SENSE OF INTIMACY
Early feelings of fireworks and excitement slowly turns into deep love, respect, and understanding. However, if you begin to feel more like distant friends or even roommates; it's probably worth reflecting, looking honestly at your feelings, and your relationship. MORE BOTHERED ABOUT BEING ALONE THAN LOSING THEM Some people feel obligated to make things work even if they aren't invested anymore. At this point, it's not so much about being separated from your partner, it's more about the feeling of regret, fear of being single and alone, as well as the exhausting thoughts of having to start the dating process all over again. EXCESSIVE BEHAVIOUR Brené Brown (research professor at the University of Houston) said many people don't understand all the ways fear and unhappiness manifests in our lives. When we do things in excess, for example, eating, drinking, drugs, sleeping, comparing (yourself and your relationship), arguing — all of these are actually elements of an unhappy, fear-based culture. YOU DON'T MAKE AN EFFORT ANYMORE Relationships require work (and plenty of it), in order to move forward and build a successful, long-lasting connection, both parties must have a willingness to make things work. If you're no longer bothered about date nights, dressing up, having meaningful chats, taking trips together, intimacy, and so on... perhaps it's time to consider pulling the plug.
BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF
If any of the above rings true for you, don't be too hard on yourself. You're not the only person wanting to put your head in the sand. But I will say that it's a good idea to carve out some time and space for yourself, truly understand how you feel. And if you've decide to throw in the towel, know that you'll be opening up a future that will be much more fulfilling — while it might feel very uncomfortable at first, it may be very best thing you ever did.