• Damsel In Dating Distress


Time and time again we see a myriad of God-awful dating profiles, from bio clichés like: "I like to laugh", "I'm looking for my partner in crime", or "I want someone who's spontaneous" to absolutely crass photos such as sitting on the toilet and taking nude selfies with objects (barely) covering the genital areas! While a dating profile is supposed to help you sell yourself, it seems a large portion of us are doing a terrible job of it! Honestly if we filtered out any mentioning of dogs or holding a child in a photo ("not my child" 🙄), I'd say about 70% of Tinder profiles would be at a loss.

I'm not sure where these people are finding their "creativity"...or lack of, shall I say! Sometimes I even wonder if there's an existing "Dating App Bible" filled with meaningless phrases knocking about somewhere... but whoever the hell is responsible for this abomination *in true Karen fashion* "I'd like to speak to the Manager please!"


A few weeks ago I posted up one of my weekly facts about dating, this one came with an open question on whether men or women had it harder in the dating game. One of my awesome Instagram gal pals (@londonloveguru) had commented saying: "I've defo found that a lot of guys dating profiles were so bad! I would be tempted to match them just to give them tips so they can get matches/dates 😂" not only did she crack me up, but instantly got the cogs turning inside my head... so I put forward an interesting proposition: Why not create a London Love Guru dating profile on one of these apps, seek out matches with the aim to actually help these hopeful singles? Now I'm not one to mess around, once an idea brews in the mind, I must to execute it no matter what! Within a couple of days I connected with THE London Love Guru via Zoom (for the first time ever after months of speaking through our DMs!) From both sides, it was great to finally put a name to a face; so after a bit of a chinwag and cussing out some of these ratchet-ass people on the apps, we conjured up a plan:

  • Run the experiment for a week.

  • Each set up a fresh new user profile on our chosen dating platform (Love Guru opted for Tinder, I went for my least favourite app Plenty of Fish)

  • London Love Guru to retain her name, Damsel to become London Love Doctor (LOL, I cannot!)

  • Create two photos for the profile and write our mission statement in the bio.

  • Keep gender as female, interested in everyone of all ages, using the maximum distance.

  • Other filters were entirely up to us, ie. I entered my occupation as "Doctor" 👩🏻‍⚕️

Here were our leading photos and snappy bios:

Bio: Swipe right for quick personalised tips to improve your dating profile to increase your matches. London Love Guru has your back!
Bio: Modern dating can be an absolute minefield, and one should know to steer it well. That’s why they call me the London Love Doctor, here to remove all your pain points in love and romance. Swipe right if you need my assistance!


While Love Guru made her grand entrance on Tinder, starting off with bang; this Love Doctor was not having quite the same luck! 😩 Struggling to even get on a platform, it was apparent that my photos didn't meet the strict guidelines enforced by Plenty of Fish, Bumble, Badoo, and OKCupid. While attempting to resuscitate my photos and "override" the rules, I eventually had to accept defeat and join Love Guru on the Tinder train. Considering Tinder is the biggest player in the market, I was so surprised to find that they were a lot more lenient with our photos! Definitely a "WTF!?" moment for us! We both kept each other updated on our progress regularly through Instagram. After a day of her profile being active on Tinder, Love Guru had sent me something rather hilarious...

What kinda verification process do you call this? And what animal even is that?

The first layer of verification on Tinder was to click on the upright animal! 🤨 I guess it's a good way to filter out the bots? 🤖 On our quest to assist men and women in their romantic lives, Love Guru had a fair few positive chats, with receptive matches who actually implemented the profile tweaks as advised.... and on the odd occasion, some people were perhaps TOO receptive whereby she was receiving requests for friendship, and even getting hit on! Oh dear... desperate times! 🤣🙈🙊 In the Love Doctor department, things were not half as exciting! After swiping right on everyone and anyone, I gathered about 30 matches in total, and made conversation with two different guys, who quite frankly did not give a rat's ass about my "services"! They matched me purely for entertainment purposes, and started off the conversation with: "Love Doctor!?!!? 🤣🤣🤣" and "🤣🤣🤣" then shortly unmatching me! LOL I was rather offended!


Two days later, Love Guru had told me that her match rate had significantly slowed down, then later on sent me another screen grab:

LMAO. Rude. I had a feeling Tinder were onto me as well as I was experiencing the same thing. My matches were looking as dry as the Sahara Desert! 🐪 It simply became a waiting game for me at that point... I swiftly went from Love Doctor to Dead Doctor. 💀 The ban came about due to us violating the terms by "promoting a service".


While the experiment was short and sweet, it was certainly a whole lot of fun! Here were our key highlights:

  • There's no getting around the strict photo guidelines when it comes to most of these mainstream apps!

  • Unless you have a premium account, you are limited to 100 swipes per 12-hour period.

  • Users were much more receptive to the London Love Guru profile than London Love Doctor.

  • Men were far more responsive and open to the advice and tips shared.

  • We had 0 female responses.

  • Love Guru had a number of people messaging first with curiosity, asking about the recommendations and even questioning whether she worked for Tinder! 🤔

  • Overall people were very polite.


After sharing some of Love Guru's findings across our Instagram stories, I had one of my followers DM me asking about the experiment. They praised the experiment concept and asked me to critique their dating profile! I was shocked and amused, but of course happy to assist where possible. After carefully dissecting their whole profile with annotations and recommendations, they were very grateful for my honesty, time and effort. I guess the London Love Doctor didn't die in vein after all! 😊

Based on our small sample, it's clear that some singletons are genuinely looking to build a real connection and find their perfect partners, yet they require a bit of facilitating to ensure they're putting their best foot forward on their dating profiles. While London Love Doctor enjoyed her little run and put in her 2 cents, it was decided that she's definitely not about that life! However, if anyone needs an honest opinion and a helping hand with their profile, feel free to get in touch with my fellow "partner in crime" London Love Guru.

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