GO AWAY THOUGHTS! WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE AN OVERTHINKER IN A RELATIONSHIP.
Dating and relationships is hard enough... add overthinking into the mix and you've got someone who'll spend hours picking apart conversations, creating wild dialogues/problems in their mind, or panicking over why there's sudden radio silence from the other person (when it's only been two hours!)
I know the feeling well. These moments of doubt and confusion is almost unbearable sometimes. Whether you're a few months into dating a new person, in that early "talking" stage, or are years into a committed long-term relationship — that brain will always find a way to take you down a rabbit hole! Overthinking has the potential to ruins relationships, and while there are a few reasons why we become so anxious (I'll save that for another post), the element of overthinking gives us the illusion of having control over a situation which ultimately keeps the feeling of helplessness at a distance. Let's say someone suddenly starts texting you less frequently; immediately the brain goes into a frenzy causing you to dissect everything you said on your last date, re-reading messages, trying to find a hidden meaning in whatever they've done or haven't done, all in an attempt to pin down why there's been a change in behaviour. Often we think if we're able to "figure it out" then we could potentially "fix it" — or at least it seems that way. The reality is, we'll never truly know what the other person is thinking or how they are feeling, etc, so rather than overwhelming or stressing ourselves out we need to get more comfortable with having a lack of control. With a little intention and some effort, you can take small steps to ensure overthinking doesn't sabotage your dating life. Here are just a of couple tips that I'd like to share which will hopefully put things into perspective and help claim back your mental power.
1. TRY YOUR BEST NOT THINK IN PAST OR FUTURE Sometimes our past experiences will surface those negative "what if" questions. Relationships make us feel vulnerable, so it's natural to worry about what might happen. The trick is to live in the present moment because being stuck in the past or thinking of the future will, without a doubt, create anxious thoughts. The present moment is the only time that we really have; the past is gone and the future is uncertain. Accepting that we can't control over everything is one of the keys to happiness and peace.
2. IF NOT YOUR PARTNER, THEN TALK TO SOMEONE YOU CAN TRUST If I'm not writing about my feelings then I definitely give them some air time with a good friend. Not only does it alleviate my anxiety but having someone provide a non-judgemental ear massively helps in shifting my mindset. It also helps me practice being vulnerable and forces me to really confront where the overthinking stems from. Eventually when you're ready, be open and transparent with your partner, talking to them will give you a level of reassurance, in turn it'll help them understand you much better, and if they're a good egg, they'll support and hold nothing against you. The truth is, worrying or overthinking about how things might pan out won't make a blind bit of difference to the outcome... our ego has a great way to tell us stories and convince ourselves that those stories are our reality, don't allow things to end before they get a chance to develop!