H IS FOR "HALLOWEEN", "HORROR STORY" AND "HELLLL NAH, MY EX DID NOT JUST GO THERE!"
To really get you in the mood for Halloween, I want to tell you a horror story. And trust me, this one is Horrifying. If you've followed my blog/dating journey from early on, you'll remember my entry about the pathological/compulsive liar. If you're unaware, here is the post for reference. So after all these months my ex thought it'd be a good idea to resurface himself from the ground, and make contact with me... again! The worst part? He had the audacity to feed me with more lies! I'm generally a positive person, I try not to dwell on negative thoughts and speak badly of others, but this time he took it too far. This motherfucker be crazy...
PICKING UP WHERE I LEFT OFF
I honestly thought I was able to put it to bed after sending that last text. Evidently not. Around mid-March I received a mysterious parcel which contained my favourite sweets, another bloody letter and a scrapbook filled with photos, gift vouchers, love poems, quotes, song lyrics, drawings, and some other shit. Obviously everything went straight in the bin. I vaguely remember the letter saying something about how he had changed, how sorry he was, hoping I'd like the gifts... then signing off with his phone number at the bottom ("in case you've deleted it lol" 😒), while also requesting a meet up for "a nice stroll and chat along the river." If that's not delusional, I don't know what is. Please excuse my French but I only had two words in my head...Fuck off. Anyway, I didn't respond and I was not impressed to say the least. What bothered me most was that he had my home address. A couple months went by and woop woop! I was celebrating my birthday in lockdown, which was actually quite fun! 🎉 Until later that afternoon... when I received a WhatsApp message from a random number. I only had to witness the paragraphs upon paragraphs, and I immediately knew who it was. You'd think he'd get the hint after getting NO response back!? This time he was banging on about how he wished he could have spent my birthday with me, hoping I was safe and well during Coronavirus, how he still thought about me, how much he missed me, how he's a changed person. Blah blah blah! I'm bored. Just move on already.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
It's now October... 5 months since that nonsensical essay, yet he still insists on making contact? Why??? Bear in mind he's blocked on my phone (including that random number), blocked across every social media platform possible. Unfortunately I didn't think to block him on my personal email account (can you even block people on email?) Even so, besides my work colleagues, no one reaches me via email these days. Not to mention, I don't recall giving him my email address (thank God it was my old account) but yes... he sent me a long ass email 2 weeks ago, confessing his undying love for me! 🙄 This time I've actually kept the contents because I'm keen to show you how unhinged, ridiculous and exhausting this guy is. Are you ready? FYI - being an anonymous blogger I've removed any instances of my name and have replaced with XXXXXX. I've also changed any obvious locations to YYYYYY.
Firstly I'd just like to apologize in advance of the below. I know that an apology that comes too late is worthless, but I have to say it anyway. That's the least I can do to show you my regret and my love I still have for you. I know this will come as somewhat of a surprise to you potentially, Maybe not though as it's me after all haha. I was looking up at the stars the other night, it was such a clear evening and there it was.......the brightest of stars, your star and I just couldn't help but think of you. It's never hard to find as it's your star and amongst the millions above us your uniqueness and amazingness is so easy to spot straight away. You always stood out from the crowd and will always remember that well. In all honesty it never takes much to have you at the forefront of my mind even after all this time. Looking up I always have a hope, it is a way of communicating with you wishing you were looking up at the same time thinking the same. I miss you the same way today emotionally and as passionately as I did the day my world fell apart through all my wrongdoing. It's a long time to take a good look at your faults and mistakes as well as discover that certain people come into your life that are just........irreplaceable. I was out and about the other night in YYYYYY and walked past the YYYYYY and yeah you guessed it, I thought about you......that will always be the case no matter what. I experienced the best times in my life because of you and went through the worst times in my life because of me and the contradictions I've encountered are just too many to mention but the clearest of things is the love I have and shared with you, you will always be MY XXXXXX. I was in such a bad place last time we met and you witnessed the shell of the man that was once alive and full of positivity and passion especially towards yourself. I've said it before and will say it again but I'm truly sorry for the way I hurt you after you gave your all. I am paying for each and every one of them now. My karma caught up with me and from that I've discovered myself again and accepted I am who I am and there's certain things in life you can't change and shouldn't lie about them so thank you for changing the way I think and feel about everything again as it's because of you I've become the person I am today and I will be forever thankful for that because even now everything I now say, do or consider is based upon the foundations of what's right I just wish I had learnt that all before we met. I’m even in training for a marathon next year but currently that guy with all the gear and no idea haha. Love is not only the most amazing feeling to have but it's also the devil in the way it can cloud your judgments in all you do and sometimes you can just get caught up in it all when you just end up going with your heart as opposed to considering the consequences of your actions. I think fast and talk and say aloud slow these days to protect the feelings and thoughts of everyone around me. I'm so happy that I care for you as much as I still do to this day XXXXXX, I'm happy that I can feel this way about a person without the need to own their thoughts, their time, their attention, or even their love. I've found that love for oneself is the most important of all loves and something I never did till we split. I may never get over you, but truth be told, I don't want to get over you. I want this love I have for you to stay with me always and forever and I want it to stay with me as I continue on with my life. I want my love for you to continue for the rest of my life because whatever I'm experiencing it is as real as anything I've ever experienced before. It's still new to me, but it's real, It's selfless, It's pure, It's calming and it still makes me smile in a way only you ever once saw. Life with you in it taught me so much, and although we won't be traveling side by side like we were this time last year on our adventures I am still excited to see what new lessons the universe has to teach me although the greatest lesson of all will always be you. You know how they say be careful what you wish for it might come true? Well I know damn right what I've wished for since the day we parted and that was to see you once again. The love and memories just aren't fading and I don't know why XXXXXX? I'm sure I no longer occupy a room in your mind, yet in my mind and heart, you'll always find a place. In all honesty I don't want them to ever fade because your you and nothing will ever compare but just wanted you to know I still think of you everyday and hope your in an amazing place although it's been a year like no other in more ways then one. I'd love to hear from you even if as I write this I know there's the slimmest of chances of that but it doesn't ever discourage me as I've said before that sometimes all we have is hope. All in all, maybe I am being selfish again as I was so many times in the past. But I can't help myself and in the knowing that you've the most forgiving, thoughtful and beautiful heart I've ever encounter in my life and it's them qualities that drive me to sit here and write this hoping to hear from you once again even if it was just to know your doing okay...........
I want you to know that every day I awake and make a wish, just one wish and that wish has always been and will always be the chance to see you again and have you in my life in one form or another and I can't ever answer why to this day I want that but it's something that won't ever change the same way the love for you has always been in it's immeasurable form. You just wouldn't ever be able to fathom how much I'd sacrifice, do and go through to have you back in my world again even if it was for a millisecond........ XXXXXX
Yeah... I know! And as per usual, I paid no attention to it. But the following week (last Monday basically), I received yet another email... XXXXXX
Please talk to me I know I did some bad things but I’m not that person anymore. I’m under no illusion we would ever get back together I just need to meet and talk to you about things. As I said in that letter you are irreplaceable and a very unique person in so many ways and life just isn’t the same without you around and believe me when I say I’ve tried to get you out of my head. Please get in touch I would really appreciate it.
I refuse to entertain any of my exes and old flames. Especially ones that are clearly in need of psychological help — might sound mean but it's the truth. Remember, this is the same guy that denied their child when I called them out... and spent months telling me that their son was their nephew! By Monday afternoon I had a letter through the post. Any wild guesses to who the letter was from? It was a 6 page letter!! It was full of soppy bullshit that I could not deal with any longer! It freaked me out a little, at the same time made me very livid! How dare he continue to send anything to my home address? I wanted to call the police on him but was advised by family to send an email back telling him to piss off in a firm but polite manner. As much as I didn't want to, I responded with: I would appreciate it if you stopped emailing me and sending letters to my house.
I understand you're harbouring feelings, but I really have no interest in seeing or speaking to you. I have moved on and you should too. Oh it doesn't stop there...
HERE'S THE WORST BIT
Now I hope God forgives me if I'm wrong here, but given his track record, I'm inclined to say that this sick, dreadful lie was the ultimate nail in the coffin (excuse my Halloween pun), but jokes aside... this one is beyond me. Please read on... Thanks for the below,
I appreciate your coldness and clarification on that matter. Damn you hate me but I totally understand why and it’s no exaggeration when I say you’ve probably more respect for a mass murderer. I apologies for the letters and emails I guess it’s the only way I could get what I felt out!!
I won’t be sending you anymore I promise. A lot has happened this year and I doubt I’m going to be around at all this time in 12 months time unless I defy the laws of medicine and that’s why I tried reaching out but hey as I said Karmas caught up with me in the gravest way possible!!!
Take care XXXXXX and hope you have a great long life ahead of you full of happiness you deserve it x
Firstly, I want to point out his passive aggressive tone at the beginning. Secondly, yes I probably do have more respect for a mass murderer at this rate. I showed my friend and he was gobsmacked: "I've heard some stories, but what the hell!! Said he's actually dying... that is far to extreme, especially just to win someone over. AVOID! He needs to be on some kind of register!" And that's all. I really have no more words left to say after this entry, apart from thanks for reading, stay away from liars and let's pray he stays away for good this time.