• Damsel In Dating Distress

I'M NOT PICKY, I JUST HAVE STANDARDS.

I have a fair share of dating disasters and failed relationship stories, it's partly why I started this blog in the first place. A small handful of my friends seem to think I'm quite picky and high maintenance but I'm inclined to disagree. I'm not the type of person to settle, and I don't get into relationships for the sake of being in a relationship, I just can't see how anyone would be truly happy that way. It's vital to understand what your core values and beliefs are and keep a tight hold on them, especially when it comes to dating... because I imagine most of us at some point would have gone through a stage where you've lost a sense of self.

THE BARE MINIMUM

I don't think I ask for much. I mean there are people who have shopping lists when it comes to finding their ideal partner. I'm simply after someone who displays integrity, a conversationalist, has a sense of humour, respectful, and has direction in life. Yes of course physical attraction plays a part as well. However for some reason in todays society, it seem challenging to find someone with even just 3 of those qualities? I'm confused. I could write a dissertation on all the factors that play a part when we talk about finding love in the modern world but I shall keep this post short, sweet and focused. Navigating your way into the online dating world will undoubtedly present you with a diverse range of prospective partners to choose from. It can be a bumpy journey but I guarantee you'll learn so much... not just about the evolution of dating, you'll gain insight about other people as well as your wants and needs.

FYI...

For those unfamiliar or new to the online dating scene, I have to be brutally honest. It's not that pretty out there so allow me to armour you and share details on how I persevere and sail through the murky waters. As you read on you'll get an idea about how I personally filter out the bizarre candidates from the (and I use this term lightly) “normal” ones. Before I get into that, let me give some context on why I decided to flock over to dating apps in the first place... Like the majority of people I'd prefer to meet someone in real life as it enables you to cut through the bullshit, see if you have chemistry right away and figure out if you're attracted to the person. However as I get older the opportunity to meet someone in the traditional way is limited. In other words:

  1. My circle of friends are mostly married with kids so getting dolled up and going to clubs/bars/lounges are a thing of the past. Perhaps I need some new single friends but I also can't handle staying up until late! 👵🏼🥱

  2. Not all but most guys I find at the above venues are pretty sleazy.

  3. Social gatherings usually happen once in a while, and it's highly likely that I’d be familiar with the people there already. Or on the off chance, I do meet someone new and I'm not physically attracted to them.

  4. Meeting people at work… while I'm not a big fan of mixing business with pleasure, I don't rule it out. I met one of my exes through work to be fair but I tend to work in small-medium size organisations and there isn't exactly a vast pool of singletons!

  5. Friends being matchmakers... been there, done that, and realised that perhaps my friends don't know me THAT well after all! 😬

Anyway a few years back after a lot of convincing from my old work colleagues, I finally gave into the peer pressure and gave dating apps a whirl. These were the 4 I started off with.

  • Tinder

  • Plenty of Fish

  • OKCupid

  • Bumble

I didn't have many fellow females friends on dating apps at the time so had to lean on my colleagues (a bunch of young lads) for "expert" advice. Apparently the best approach was to continuously swipe right on everyone. Oh. 👁️👄👁️ Well I was not willing to swipe right on everyone so had to figure out my own filtering style. Since we're known to be visual beings I started with examining the photos. From the get go these were the things that made me instantly swipe left:

  • Using one photo

  • Wearing sunglasses in ALL photos

  • Half naked body shots (some people don't even show their face?)

  • "Gangster" poses

  • Photos exclusively of their prized possessions

  • Fetish photos (I've seen a number of people wearing gimp suits)

The second stage of filtering focuses on the substance (the bio). Again, here is a list of off-puts:

  • Clichés (ie “Live laugh love” or “I’m looking for my partner in crime”)

  • No bios or very minimal effort

  • Negativity

  • People who don't use their real name

  • People who try and drive traffic to their Instagram page

I also don't swipe right on people who abuse drugs or has children, this is my personal preference. It's much easier to be cut throat when you know what you want and don’t want. You have every right to decide who you want to invest your time and energy into. Then if all goes well and a match turns into a conversation, amazing. Now we're at the third stage of filtering... I have to admit this part is much tricker. It's down to you to decide whether this person is genuine or putting on a facade! Whilst you don't want to be too judgemental or wait for them to "trip up", you need to also enjoy the process because at the end of the day, dating should be fun! It's about getting the balance right between sussing them out and being open to this new potential. Try not to kill the vibe before it even starts!

LAST BIT OF ADVICE

  • It's wise not to set any expectations.

  • Don’t lower your standards out of desperation/fear of loneliness!

  • Don't go into dating blindly, identify what it is you want first.

  • Happy dating! 💕

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