LOSING INTEREST QUICKLY... IS IT JUST ME?
I wanted to write about something that's been playing on my mind for the last few weeks. Being a bit of a Psychology nerd the topic piqued my curiosity so I've been reading up and looking into it a fair bit. I've often found this "problem" creates a slight barrier in my dating life and it's become more apparent over the last couple of years; maybe it's a deep rooted issue or maybe it's just how I am... to put it bluntly, I lose interest in guys incredibly quickly. Now before you put on your "therapist" hat and start giving me the third degree, I'm well aware of the possible reasons why I get like this but I'll start by saying that I have no issue being in a long-term monogamous relationship, I'm happy and content being on my own (ie. you won't catch me jumping from one relationship to another for a dopamine hit), I don't crave drama (certainly not anymore), I understand relationships aren't supposed to be an endless stream of excitement, I'm not hugely impulsive, and like to think I'm pretty logical when it comes to making decisions. My lack of interest isn't limited to dating, it applies to all facets of life; whether I'm watching a movie, reading a book, working or listening to music. It's not because I don't want to concentrate or think I'm above whatever task is at hand, my suspicion is that it's a combination of my need for regular mental stimulation/short attention span, and my struggle with being so damn impatient. Anyone else out there with a similar sort of brain?
WHAT IS BOREDOM?
Boredom is otherwise described as mental fatigue usually caused by an experience that is too predictable and repetitive. In general, too much of the same thing and too little stimulation can result in an absence of desire and a feeling of entrapment. It's more challenging for those with attention deficit issues (I have an inkling I fall in this category) thus have a higher tendency towards boredom. Not everyone views boredom in the same way, some of us have a greater need for external stimulation and excitement more than others. Putting this into the context of dating and relationships, there are various factors behind the slow-creeping disinterest. If you've ever found yourself dating someone new, then by 3-6 months, you start feeling indifferent, unbothered, or simply want a timeout from the person/relationship, you might resonate with the next section. Below are some of the thoughts that have crossed my mind when boredom decides to knock on my door... OKAY I'VE CHANGED MY MIND, I DON'T REALLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP. Despite the fact that we're living in the 21st century, a lot of people are still under the impression that if you don't find someone to settle down with then you've "failed" in some way. I think sometimes subconsciously (and I'm sure this goes for many of us) we get into relationships because we feel like that's what we should be doing but ultimately our hearts are never really in it. Deep down a relationship isn't what we truly want (at least not at that moment) but the attention is nice for a short while... so eventually we end up uninvested, bored, then try to find a way to end it. NO, I'M DONE... AND I DON'T WANT TO "SEE HOW IT GOES". This leads back to my impatient, no bullshit nature. When I'm done, I'm really done. My brain switches off, I don't waste any more time seeing if my feelings will change. I prefer a direct, honest conversation, then cut the ties. Yeah, I might have the odd occasion when my mind wonders whether I'm being too harsh or if I'm pulling the plug too quickly... but for the most part, I really don't I care enough. I'M NOT HIGH-MAINTENANCE, BUT IT TAKES A LOT TO KEEP ME INTERESTED. It sounds like a very contradictory statement but I'm deadly serious. I'm don't carry around a list of requirements, I'm not after Prince Charming, Mr. Perfect, or anyone like that. But it seems even the basics qualities such as intelligence, humour, integrity, and drive are hard to find these days... I struggle to even get reach date #3 before conversations become tired and stale, or I get the ick and want to run a mile! Thank you, next. I'M NOT SO FORGIVING. I have great relationships with my friends and family; none of them are perfect but I've had years of exposure to their flaws and little quirks, and I love them no matter what! But with guys, I can't bring myself to be as forgiving and I don't know why... I seem to turn slightly cold, less than impressed, and have zero qualms about cutting people off at the first sign of trouble. Boy bye!
MAYBE I AM DATNG THE WRONG PEOPLE? I used to think about this one a lot until I started reflecting on the guys I've dated over the last year. In summary, I've gone for so many different types of people. I've challenged the way I've been doing things, I've maintained an open mind, I look past appearances... yet the novelty still wears off and I find that actually... no one excites me! THE BEGINNING OF THE END, OR THE END OF THE BEGINNING?
Perhaps I'm common denominator, who knows! While no relationship can feel new and exciting forever – losing interest or becoming bored or someone doesn't necessarily mean that we're with the wrong person or that the relationship is doomed and destined to fail. I find taking a step back and assessing the relationship can be really helpful, asking questions like are you confusing being comfortable with being bored? Are you missing spontaneity? Pinpointing any specifics can aid in identifying aspects of the relationship that are causing the boredom. I'd also suggest having a chat with a close friend or family, get their honest thoughts. It's crucial to evaluate our feelings and behaviours we have towards our partner and the relationship as a whole. Equally it's important that people do the work on themselves; those who lack profound emotional-awareness are more prone to boredom/lack interest in any situation; having the inability to understand what brings happiness and fulfilment can reduce the quality of life. When it comes to relationships, careers, hobbies, etc, we must go through a process of self-discovery. Carving out a few moments for thought and reflection is the difference between knowing if something/someone is a waste of time or worth continuing. I'd love to know.... are you the type of person to lose interest easily? And why?