REASONS WHY I'M ON A DATING HIATUS.
As a single woman in her early 30s, for as long as I remember there's always been a social stigma that now is a crucial time to start looking for a life partner or start settling down — and if you’re not, there's either something wrong with you or you've decided that there's no hope. Well how about this... for some of us, being single is not so much a lack of options or because we've given up, it's simply a choice.
THAT DON'T IMPRESS ME MUCH
Of course at some point down the line I'd like to find love and companionship. As humans, we're social beings and it's natural to want to connect with others. There's no denying that. However, societal pressure makes single people invest themselves in the wrong relationships, just to feel accepted, feel "complete" or feel better about themselves. The pressure of being in a relationship (particularly for women, you know... with the whole biological clock thing) also causes people to go on endless swiping sprees across multiple apps, desperately seeking a Mr./Mrs. Right. Consequently we become mentally exhausted with a pile of disappointing matches — otherwise known as Mr./Mrs. Right Now (although some individuals don't quite qualify for that title!)
YOU DO YOU
You've heard it many times before, and I'll say it again. There’s nothing wrong with being single, sometimes it's the best possible choice to make. Not having another person in your life leaves more time to take care of other aspects such as hobbies, finances, fitness & health, learning a new skill, working on your own business, etc. We don't realise but there's an infinite amount of things we can do with our time, not just for enjoyment but to build a better quality of life.
The reality is that being single is about being in a relationship with yourself. Isn't it ironic that a relationship with ourselves should feel like the most natural thing, but it's often regarded as one of the most uncomfortable, difficult ones? We find it easier to be with others than to be with ourselves! And for a number of us the desire to be in a relationship is fuelled by the discomfort of being alone.
After many hard lessons I've learnt that listening to your intuition is key. In my opinion when intuition kicks in, it's like your soul is speaking to you in order to redirect you, kind of like a sat-nav: Turn left, turn left... turn the f*ck left and leave this fool at the junction! Don't get me wrong, if dating is fun and exciting, by all means keep going, I'm routing for ya! But when there's no joy and you start feeling jaded... it's definitely time to take a break, and that's with anything in life. The year 2020 has been an interesting one from a dating perspective. I've been on a few great dates (both in physical form and over Zoom calls), but I've also entertained people that I really shouldn't have. More recently, the addition of entering Winter season (my time for hibernation), going in and out of lockdown, juggling my full-time job alongside my blog... plus more has made me decide to de-prioritise dating. And what a great decision it was. 😊 If you're also thinking about having a romantic cleanse, have a read through my next few points. I've shared some honest reasons why a dating hiatus was much needed! WHERE ARE THE QUALITY LEADS? From socially awkward, narcissistic dickheads to the emotionally unavailable... I think I've tried enough and lost my appetite from this questionable, tasteless, all-you-can-eat buffet of online dating. Yes. I sound defeated and negative which is precisely why I need a break! I'm a firm believer that people will get results based on the efforts put in, and effort speaks volumes. From observation and personal experience, it was clear that a small percentage of people would actively put effort in building a real connection. The rest were giving the bare minimum. One particular trend I found (over and over again) were dead-end conversations; not to mention the half hearted messages that led to no meeting, and matches that suggested they were interested in dating, but their choice of topics or comments made didn't support their claims! I know there are good men out there, and the above makes me sound bitter but instead of trying to force it, or worse, gradually wiring my brain to associate dating apps with negative experiences, it's best to remove myself from the dating scene for the time being. EMOTIONALLY, I'M NOT HERE FOR IT I think it's very important to be choosy with who you give your energy to. By energy, I mean your words, time, money, and other resources. Recognise your value, and understand that not everyone deserves it. For me, I was on both sides of the fence. In some instances, I gave my energy away (too easily) to people who did not value the opportunity enough. Then there were times where I may have missed out on some great potential because I was only willing to put in about 25% effort. Sometimes people can't be arsed with dating... and that's absolutely fine. Take the time to get yourself in a better headspace and return later, trust me we're not running out dating apps or potential suitors. SLEEPING WITH PEOPLE I... LIKE I've forever felt like a retired pensioner in a younger woman's body so excuse me if I'm about to go grandma on you but having sex with people I "like" just doesn't cut it for me anymore. Sure it's fun and exciting to discover someone new in the bedroom... but honestly, the novelty has worn off. I don't think you have to necessarily be "in love" to have amazing sex but in my opinion there's a notable difference between having sex with people I like enough and people who I share a much deeper, intimate connection with. "I WANT FIREWORKSSSSSSS!!!" (SAMANTHA JONES, SEX AND THE CITY) I'm no longer here for mediocre kinda guys. I'm not being arrogant but I know what I want, and I know my worth. I would happily stay single until someone makes me spark because settling for less than I deserve doesn't sit right with my soul. Even if it takes months, years, hell... even if my destiny is to be in a relationship with myself, I know that I've gone through years of incredible growth to be who and where I am right now. As far as I'm concerned I'm relaxed, I'm blessed and doing things in life that make me fulfilled and satisfied. In the meantime, if you need me I'll be in my room in the lotus position. 🧘🏻♀️
I take a "glass is half full", "everything happens for a reason" approach to life. At the same time, I'm committed to cutting out or reducing behaviours, habits, and relationships that don't serve a purpose or contribute to the positive, mindful lifestyle I strive to live by. I hope this post has given you some food for thought and perhaps helped you consider whether it might be worth giving yourself a healthy break from the dating world. Whatever you choose to do, place your happiness above everything.