• Damsel In Dating Distress


Last week I was chatting to a couple of the guests on my podcast show about how some men find me "intimidating" because of my "masculine traits". I've had the same conversation with a couple of my girlfriends in the past (who also possess similar qualities), so I knew I wasn't alone here! It appears that being a confident, fearless, go-getting woman makes dating slightly more complicated; which is interesting because I believe these are all very attractive traits. However, this conversation got me thinking about masculine and feminine energy...


Without getting too bogged down by the science, the Law of Polarity defines the concept of opposites, that all existing things has two poles, this applies to things are animate or inanimate thoughts, feelings, and energies. Examples include good and evil, pleasure and pain, darkness and light. When we look at dating and relationships there's love and hate, but there's also one of the strongest dualities known as Sexual Polarity, in other words masculine and feminine energy. Referring more so to straight relationships, masculine energy is usually associated with strength, problem-solving, competitiveness, being protectors and providers, but tend to have trouble communicating emotions – yet want to feel appreciated in relationships. Those with feminine energy are more open, receptive, and ready to give and receive love. Feminine energy requires attention and the need to be understood, their loving nature can make them stay long (and sometimes in the wrong) relationships. It's also worth noting that masculine and feminine energies are not gender based. Any person, male or female, can embody either energy.


Have you ever felt like you've dated endlessly, only to discover the same outcome? Just a handful of lovely dates (not always!) that rarely transitions into anything deep and meaningful? When you know in your mind that you're ready for the real deal, and know exactly what you want, it should be easier right? I mean... you're empowered, driven, self-sufficient, fabulous, you're a bloody catch girl! ...so why are you still single? It's been said that the more feminine energy you possess, the more masculine the man you'll attract. When these two opposing energies are met and are truly embraced in a relationship, this is what creates that "spark" of sexual energy, thus if sexual energy is maximised, the attraction will be much greater. Physical attraction, spiritual alignment and intimate connection is more likely to thrive in a relationship when there is a distinct sexual polarity between both parties. Yeah, that's great and everything, but let me tell you some truths about being an "Alpha Female", specifically in the dating world... For the longest time I've always led with logic rather than emotions. I'm goal-orientated, and like to be productive all the time, otherwise I get extremely bored! My career and passions have remained a top priority in my life. When I have an idea, I'm assertive and go for whatever it is with tenacity and determination. With family, friends and partners, I tell it like it is with kindness and respect. I also like to nip situations in the bud, and don't dwell on small things. The above came about through repetition and habit, and as you might expect I became very comfortable and secure in my masculine energy. Looking back at most of my past relationships, I found that I would attract feminine energy men, and over time I'd get pretty pissed off when they were passive, sensitive, or didn't take charge. Sounds harsh right? To be honest when it comes to a partner, I've always wanted to be with someone who's able to match my energy, a person ready to be challenged, take control, eager to grow together, appreciate my efforts, but also possess a big heart as I do. Funnily enough I've dated a couple guys of that calibre, and let's just say the dynamic was equivalent to a tornado meeting a volcano! A toxic atmosphere, a power struggle, with no positive influence whatsoever.


Just as opposite energies attract, the same energies repel. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are examples out there where a relationship works well with the two parties embracing the same energy but I'd be inclined to say that it's not very common. With both sides wanting to "wear the trousers", it's no surprise when conflict arises causing a break down of the relationship. Masculine energy is great, it's necessary, and it's the thing that has brought us women so far in life, particularly with our careers. But when it comes to love and romance perhaps we should try to get more comfortable stepping into our relaxed, soft, vulnerable state. After all, building beautiful relationships require a level of emotional intimacy which isn't required as such in the workplace.


You may not agree with my opinion here but from doing a lot of reading and hearing many other perspectives (both men and women), the general consensus is... if you're a dominant female seeking a masculine, strong and giving man then it's important to step into your feminine energy. A man cannot pour into a woman who is not accepting, nor can he pursue a woman who will not allow. On the other hand, if you know feminine energy is not for you, a feminine energy man will complement your masculine energy in the relationship. The balance will ultimately build a great partnership because these women find emotional comfort in the arms of these men. But I must add, a woman has to be very sure and very comfortable with this balance as it's unfair to feed the hope that the man will change himself and step up over time. No. Trust me, I've been there! You'll only build up resentment, then complain that they're lazy and useless! Eeek! Not cool.

It's vital determine what your natural energy state is, and the type of dynamic you want for your relationship.


You can use your feminine energy to connect with your partner without having to change yourself inherently, it's just about knowing when to switch between the masculine and feminine.

When it comes down to it, boss-babes want to be taken care of too! While we thoroughly enjoy getting shit done and feeling accomplished, it's nice to have someone support to us through the tears, fears, and struggles. So if we want to be cherished, pursued, and nurtured, let's try removing our armour and seeing what happens. Many women (myself included) go into dating fully in their heads and thoughts rather than living in the present moment. We want a guy who can lead but then struggle being led. Truthfully it's a big shift, especially when you're not used to it, but once you become more aware, you’ll know what needs to change.

There's no denying that Feminism has done some excellent things for women, however, at times the modern women may forget how to tap into their feminine energy. By doing so, it allow ourselves to trust and be more free-flowing.

Are you more masculine or more feminine? Once you examine your beliefs and leverage the law of polarity, you can begin attracting the right partner, or bring the passion back to your relationship! I've definitely learned a lot from all this reading and research, so I guess it's time work on myself and create more space for my feminine energy.

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